Call Girl Faux Pa
by Wax Angel Wings
Summary: This takes place the night of the famous Huddy kiss. House calls an escort service and chaos ensues! This is totally Huddy, totally smutty, and totally pointless. A ONE SHOT and I mean it! I know the ending sucks but deal with it!
1. Chapter 1

Call Girl Faux Pa

One Shot

Rated: R

Author's Note: Takes place after the famous Huddy kiss but before "Both Sides Now" and "Under My Skin". I know this couldn't happen but I got this idea running around in my head and find that I can't get to sleep without typing it out. Enjoy, it's smut at its best!

House had just left Cuddy, their brief kiss definitely weighing on his mind. Her lips against his, her arms wrapped around him…and the thought of more just spurred his arousal more. When he got home he decided to take three vicodin and down a beer. Not the wisest choice he had made in a long time, he just wanted the boner to go away. It didn't. After deciding that self manipulation just wouldn't cut it that night, he reached for the phone. He called the number of the only escort service he had ever cared to memorize. Talking to the operator he specified exactly the kind of girl he wanted.

"…brown hair…wavy…blue eyes…kinda big ass." He went on trying to describe his version of Cuddy as intoxicated as he was. He knew that the girl who would show up would be some where in her 20's and not nearly as hot as Cuddy but he knew that he needed at least some resemblance at that point to get off, "If you have one that's Jewish that would be perfect. Make sure she's into rough housing and, oh and have her call me House and _not _break from character." After that he hung up. Usually the girls he got from this escort service were great, and at a thousand dollars a session he should expect that. The other times that he had wanted a girl for role-play she was in character the moment she walked in the door and she didn't even break character when she asked for her payment. That was exactly why he thought it would be a great idea to call the particular service he had just called.

He stumbled into the kitchen and got out another beer. This one he was going to nurse, no sense in getting completely trashed and passing out during the actual sex. He had done that once before and woke up to find his wallet completely empty and the girl gone. Without the use of his cane, he stumbled back into the living room and sloppily sat down on the couch. Things were quite fuzzy for him at that point. He could make out shapes and colors but nothing in great detail, which would help a lot when his girl showed up. He just hoped she sounded at least a tiny bit like Cuddy. That's all he really wanted at that point.

***

After about ten minutes of sulking after the kiss, Cuddy decided that she had had enough. She wanted to see House, she wanted to be with House, and if she had to come to him to do it, then that was what she was going to do. She didn't change out of the clothes she was wearing, the oversized sweater or the jeans. She just threw her shoes on and climbed into her car. When she arrived outside of House's building she circled around for ten more minutes before deciding to park. Once she was parked she looked in the rearview mirror. Her eyes were puffy and red from crying. She didn't want to show up there looking like a charity case but maybe it was best to play on House's sympathy for once.

She got out of the car and then pressed the button on the key to lock it. She slipped the keys into her back pocket and headed up to House's door. She stood there for a moment, trying to convince herself that she wanted to do this, and after a few more moments she knocked on the door. She didn't know if he would answer or if he was even home at that point. For all she knew he could have gone out to get a drink, which would have turned into three or four at that point. She didn't know what he was thinking when he had said goodnight to her.

There were heavy footsteps on the other side of the door and then it slowly opened. House looked down on her and then smiled slightly, "Not disappointed this time." He slurred. She could smell the beer on his breath, no doubt he had taken a few vicodin at that point either. She could tell by the way he was slurring his words and the fact that what he just said made no sense in her context.

"House." She said, "I think you know why I'm here."

"I think we both know why you are here." House replied and then grabbed her by her wrist and pulled her inside. She didn't know why she was going to let him lead her like that, but she did, she wanted to be with him and maybe if he took the lead it wouldn't be so damn scary.

He continued to look down on her, still only seeing colors and shapes. She was quite fuzzy to him but in his mind she was Cuddy, even if she really was just a call girl. Hell, she even sounded like Cuddy and that was good enough for him. He blinked a few times and then shook his head slightly, trying to clear it. He wanted to get a better look at the stranger that he was inviting into his home, but his brain wouldn't clear up enough for him to get any details. Without warning he pulled her into a kiss. Kissing a call girl was not something that he would usually do, but in this case it was perfect. The voice, the hair, the clothes…how did this chick know exactly what he was thinking when they chose her?

Cuddy kissed back hungrily before pulling away from him and taking a step back. Did he really think they were going to hop into bed and forget about everything that had happened? She looked at him trying to gauge how drunk he was at that point. If he wasn't trashed then he wouldn't have tried anything on her at that point…but the taste on him was unmistakable. "How about we sit down?" She offered as she reached for his hand. He took it and shrugged, leading her over to the couch.

"Taking it slow huh? Well it's your lead." He said to her and once again he wasn't making any sense. She wanted to ask him to elaborate on what he was talking about, and then decided right there that this was going to be pointless in the grand scheme of things. He wasn't going to remember this tomorrow and he would probably be bragging to Wilson how he had made it to third base with her the night before…even though they had gotten nowhere near there in the first place.

"You know what, I'd rather do this with you sober." She said gently and let go of his hand.

"What do you care if I'm sober or not?" House asked. He was getting irritated that this call girl was not already in his pants. He had called her for the specific reason of getting him off and now she wanted him sober? Wasn't that a little too much to be asking?

"I want you to remember this." She replied and headed for the door.

"Why?" House snorted. Cuddy turned to look at him, now she was upset…of course House's head couldn't register any facial expressions so he couldn't tell that she was on the verge of screaming at him. He came over to her and pulled her into another kiss, this time holding her head in place so she couldn't break away. She moaned out in protests but soon found herself kissing back, her hands roaming over his chest and then wrapping around his neck. Finally she wriggled out of his grasp.

"Because, you're an ass…you know that?"

"Hey you're here for me, Cuddy, now start acting like it." House said. She took in a sharp breath of air at that comment. Was he really going to be so brash as to lay the cards out on the table like that? "On your knees."

"Excuse me?"

"Do it bitch!" House shouted at her. He grabbed her by a fistful of her hair and then started to force her downward. If this had been an every day situation, if they hadn't just kissed like they were both running out of life to live, and if he wasn't drunk, Cuddy might have gotten mad. Instead things twisted and turned in her head. Since she knew he was intoxicated his bizarre behavior wasn't unwarranted. She had made up her mind in the car, she wanted him and if she had to do it his way then she was going to do it his way. Not to mention that the rough touch was certainly arousing her more than she ever thought possible.

She resisted his force for as long as she could but soon gave into the lust that she was feeling for him. Fine, it could be on his terms, she could live with that, but… "Don't call me a bitch again unless you don't want to keep your nuts." This caused House to laugh for whatever reason.

"You amaze me girl." House said after his laughter subsided. Now that Cuddy was at eye level with his crotch she could tell he was aroused. How he managed to sustain such an erection under the spell of narcotics and alcohol she would never know. She bit her bottom lip for a moment before reaching up and unzipping his pants. She released his amazingly large cock from the fabric and looked up at him. Although he was looking down at her, his eyes were glossy and she assumed that he really couldn't see much of anything, not in great detail at least.

Not really having any lubrication at hand, she spit into her palm and then wrapped her hand around the base of his cock, starting to move it up and down slowly. House groaned loudly and she knew she was doing it right. She was very skilled with her hands, but her mouth, that was what he really wanted. She wondered how long she could go on jerking him off like that before he did something more forceful. Pretty soon pre-cum started to lubricate the way and with that her hand got faster, squeezing lightly, applying pressure here and there as she moved back and fourth, up and down.

"Are you gonna suck it or not?" House quipped at her and then grabbed her by the hair again. She cried out in pain and surprise as he forced her face forward. She guessed she didn't have much of a choice at that point. She had already gotten in way over her head and there was no swimming for the shore at that point. Opening her mouth, she took him inside and started to suck on the tip of him gently, swirling her tongue around the sensitive head. He groaned and tried to push her on further. She let him, taking as much of him into her mouth as she could.

He wanted to go deeper though. She had deep throated a few men in her days but never ones as big as House. She didn't know how much she could actually get into her throat but she was going to try her hardest to get all of it. She tried to relax her throat, her tongue making constant swirls around his member. After a few moments she had almost all of him in her mouth but then had to pull back when her gag reflex sent off warning signals. There was no way she was going to make herself puke, not at that point. House let her back away when she needed to, for air, but after about ten seconds he pushed her head forward again. She took him back into her throat and let him thrust a few times before pulling back again. When she thought he was going to go in for a third round, he grabbed her and pulled her to her feet.

"Bedroom sound good?" He asked her, his eyes a little glossy and his breath coming out in quick bursts.

"Best idea you've had tonight." She said back, just as breathlessly as he was. He shoved her in front of him and then slapped her on the ass.

"Down the hall and to the left." He said, absent mindedly reaching for his cane. The vicodin was good but it certainly wasn't that good.

"I know where your damn bedroom is you know." Cuddy muttered to herself, not wanting to get into a fight at that point. She pulled off her sweater and the shirt under it so she was in her bra. She tossed the clothes aside and onto the floor in the hallway as she made her way to the bed. Once she was sitting she pulled of her bra and started on her pants. By the time House reached her he was stripped down to his boxers, although his cock was still up and at full attention. He tossed the cane aside and joined her on the bed. She pulled him into another kiss, bringing him on top of her, pressing her bare chest into his.

He kissed her back for a moment and then pulled away, both of them gasping for air. He started to kiss down her jaw line, to her neck, where he stopped and bit into it. This was no nibble either, it was a full on bite. Cuddy, however, loved this new sensation of pain with pleasure and cried out accordingly. House traced kisses over her shoulder blade and then down to her right breast. He took the nipple in his mouth and sucked back on it softly. Cuddy groaned loudly and put her hands in his hair, tugging at it gently. He then bit down, not too hard, but not so soft that it was pointless. This brought another moan from Cuddy and she arched her back. After another moment of nipping and teasing he pulled back and looked up at her.

"I don't usually do this, but you are doing a damn good job." House said to her without warning. The fact that her pussy was dripping wet meant that her brain was clouded so she didn't really catch most of what he had just said. She knew he meant oral sex, though, and she wasn't all that surprised that he didn't "usually do it". He kissed down her flat stomach to her inner thighs. He started to lick at her wet folds, bring a skilled hand up to probe at her clit when he felt like it. He was absolutely amazing at what he was doing, she had no idea that he could be so gentle, so attentive, so caring.

House continued on with it for a few minutes, marveling at how much this girl was like Cuddy. He couldn't have asked for a better replica. He would have never gotten the courage up enough to actually jump Cuddy's bones that night, but this was like the next best thing and he was absolutely loving it. He was savoring every taste, every sound, every feeling that coursed through his veins. He took her clit in his mouth and sucked back on it gently. This brought a moan from the call girl which could only be described as pure ecstasy. He knew now it was time to be inside of her, he didn't want her cumming before he got the chance to.

Quickly, he topped her and slid his hard cock into her body. She cried out in pleasure and put her hands on his shoulder. He started to thrust for a moment before the pain in his leg got the best of him and he reversed their positions. Now Cuddy was on top and she was feeling just a tad uncomfortable. Missionary position with him she could do, but now he wanted her to ride him? She hadn't been on top during sex for a long time, or maybe that was just because she hadn't _had _sex in a long time. Whatever the reason, she felt herself getting a little self conscious.

"Don't get shy on me now, Cuddy." House said and then laughed slightly. She smiled down at him and then started to move her hips up and down. She leaned forward and put her hands on his shoulders, digging her nails into the skin. Pretty soon the self conscious thing broke and she was riding him like a dime store pony, moaning like she never had in her life. She didn't think she had ever been this vocal with anyone, but the pleasure she was feeling was immense.

"Oh fuck, House!" She cried and then started to move her hips in a circular motion at the same time she was working them up and down. His cock was so big it was reaching places inside of her that she didn't even know existed.

"Oh fuck is right!" House called back, putting his hands on her hips. They continued in this pattern for ten more minutes when finally they came together, each crying out the other one's name. Totally spent, Cuddy collapsed beside him and closed her eyes. A thin layer of sweat coated her body but she was feeling good. She had never orgasmed so hard in her entire life. She rolled over and put her hand on his chest, running up and down it slowly.

"That was amazing, House." She said softly.

"I always am." He replied and then turned, pulling her into a kiss. She kissed back and there was a sudden knock at the door. House looked up, wondering who would be bothering him at this time of night. He had already gotten what he wanted, and he wasn't expecting anyone else, so who could that possibly be? He sighed loudly and made himself decent enough to answer the door. He got out of bed, grabbed his cane, and headed out to the front. "What?" He snapped once he had the door opened. Once again he could not see a face, just blurs of colors where the hair and skin were concerned.

"I'm Wendy Cho, from Tip Top Gentlemen's service. Don't let the name fool you, it used to be Chostein. Anyway my car broke down that's why I'm an hour late. I tried calling you but the phone seems to be off the hook and…"

"Who are you?" Cuddy asked, coming into the foyer as she pulled House's shirt closed around her. House looked at the girl who was standing before him and then turned to Cuddy.

"If you're her…then she's…excuse me for a moment." House said and seconds later, black enveloped his world.


	2. Update

The following is a complete list of stories that have been abandoned, renamed, or will be rebooted and posted under my new name. I am changing pen names, I will not say what name I am using here because I do not want to be followed. However, if you send me a PM or you already know me by E-mail or IM and have not yet been informed of this change, contact me and you will be given the information on where to find my new account, what the stories have been renamed to and all that stuff.

If I happen to have abandoned a story that you absolutely love I am really sorry but it's most likely I have run out of ideas for that story and pretty much wrote myself into a corner.

That being said, if a story is NOT abandoned then you will have to give me some time to get around to it. I have been spending a lot of time Roleplaying and then most of my other free time making fan videos for various fandoms so just be patient, but I promise if the story is not abandoned it will be completed!

House of Taboo: Yeah this will get a sequel, it will be renamed and posted under my new account but it will get a sequel!

Let Them Talk: I am still working on this one, I can assure you of all that I just want to get more than one chapter done at a time to post so I don't keep you all waiting.

Syndrome: Has been abandoned, I had a good idea when I started it, have no idea where I want to take it now. Sorry.

A Handmaid's House: WILL BE COMPLETED! Just give me some time! I will do it! As I think it's one of my best works yet, I do want to finish it! Trust me!

Flare: As this is a completed story it's just going to be renamed but it will be posted on my new account.

Rescued From The Fall: As I am abandoning Blood On The Bracelet just see what I have to say for that one. It is mentioned on this list!

Cat's Cradle: Yeah this one has gone out the window as well. Consider it abandoned!

La Petite Mort: I actually love this story and as I consider it complete (even though it is not marked as such) it will be renamed and posted on my new account.

Blood On The Bracelet: It's far too recognizable as something I wrote even if I do rename it. However this current account will be left up for 2 weeks, so if you want to copy it, paste it, and save it to your own computer I am giving you permission. You can repost but PLEASE credit me.

Stand In The Rain: Totally abandoned and well if for some reason you were STILL hoping for more...sorry.

Risky Business: Abandoned. Although I am writing a very kinky PWP House/Cuddy/Wilson story which is on a more adult oriented site as of now, so if you would like to be linked or directed to that story let me know as it is comparable to Risky Business.

World's Apart: Will be rebooted completely so there is WAY less focus on Cameron and Thirteen and WAY MORE on Huddy. Since I was rebooting it anyway it is going to get get a new name but will be found under my new account.

Destroyed and Condemned: Abandoned, don't really know what I was thinking with this one LoL!

Intoxicated: Pressured into writing this one by the ex (Rachel) I don't even want to ever reread it again let alone continue it, so it's abandoned!

Happy Birthday Thirteen: Once again, fuck you Rachel for goading me into writing this Cadley shit! Abandoned!

Strange Bedfellows: Look at what I said for Happy Birthday Thirteen. Abandoned!

Price: As this is a one shot and got no reviews anyway I am taking it down and pretending I never wrote it.

Our Solemn Hour: This one is most likely going to get a severe reboot, yet I cannot promise that. However, without Rachel breathing down my back to demand every detail go her way this time, chances are it will get a reboot. This version is being removed however. If you want to keep it fine, if you want to repost it do so but credit me!

Call Girl Faux Pa: This is a one shot, complete, and I really REALLY like it so it will be renamed and put up under my new account.

Cafe Ala House: See what I said for Happy Birthday Thirteen and Strange Bedfellows. Abandoned.

Immortality: Started back when I thought Thuddy was a good pairing, I do not think so any longer. Abandoned.

October: Obviously abandoned and for good reason.

All of my SVU stories haven't been touched in YEARS so I won't even bother to explain the fact that ALL of them are being removed and abandoned! Sorry...we had a good run. That's all I can really say. Although I might whip me up a nice House/SVU crossover in the future!

No one actually cares about my Boston Public stories so I am not going to post them anywhere ever again but I will keep them for my own pleasure.

Also: For Our Solemn Hour and Blood On The Bracelet IF you do repost in any form credit WAXANGELWINGS and NOT my new account name if you receive it. Like I said I don't want to be followed but as those stories will not be posted on my new account or be renamed I don't see the point in you crediting my new name anyway.

Thank you for your patience, sorry for this abrupt change of pace but I needed to do it! WaxAngelWings has been mine for about 6 years and I just want to move on. Thank you for sticking with me all this time and I hope you can move to my new name and look forward to all the plans I have for future fan fiction!

~Monic


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